Not the Same

I found the following photo that was taken over two years ago.  I remember when this shot was taken, I was looking out my window from my house and watching the dogs run in the yard.  It was a serene moment and I loved how at peace I felt, even with the chaos that my ex was putting us through.  This is not the same woman, my face has changed a little.  After I had had my surgery, I remember looking in the mirror and crying, first, my face was so bruised and swollen.  Second, I told the nurse that I would not have chosen the eyes that were given to me, I had a little bit of a face lift after my brain surgery.  It is funny now, but at the time I did not look the same, and certainly did not feel the same; as if a small part of me had died.  It has definitely been a process, but God certainly gave me strength to continue.  Sometimes, I wonder why He gave me this life, and then I realize because He gave me gumption!  Yes, a lot has changed in my life.  Good or bad, life is life.  Yes, again, I am not the same physically or in any other way.   I am accepting things in my life that will never be the same and that's okay. . . .

Photo taken August 2012

(Before aneurysms)

 

 

 

 



Phenomenal

Photo taken by my son, Nathaniel



2nd Anniversary

On June 13, 2013 I suffered a brain aneurysm.  As a matter of fact I had two aneurysms, but one was leaking and killing me slowly.  I do not recall feeling any pain while I was coming in an out of consciousness, but I do remember saying some interesting things.  I remember only seeing white when I was out of consciousness and remember bright colors when I came out of surgery.  My son and friends told me that I was a frightful sight, so what is new?!  The thing is this entry is not about how I am here today sharing a story.  I am here today to share how very blessed I am.  How fragile life can be and in an instant a life can vanish.  I am always amazed on the people that inspire me, the survivors of their hardships.  These burdens could be physical, emotional, mental or even spiritual.  But we all have our crosses to carry.  Being a "Believer of Jesus" does not guarantee me a perfect life. Many of us carry the scars of living and continue on this journey of life.  There is a word, "LIVING.  Are we?!  Everyday, I wake up with a fresh blank page. I just have to pick up the pen and continue writing my story, His story.  I am blessed to know people who continue with their journey with the upmost of grace, and that is something I try to emulate from them.  Sometimes, these people are passing through, but their stories of inspiration are there.  Yes, there are some who show signs of giving up.  Believe me, I know how that feels, but I will not.  In the last two years I have experienced things I would never have tried.  I opened my heart and let someone in, with no fear, and I am thankful for this man who came and went from my life.  I have hiked and climbed small hills, but to me they were mountains, and I did it!!  I will purchasing a bicycle soon, no, I am not going to become a spandex wearing bicyclist, not yet. ha ha   Also, I am being inspired with more ideas for more artwork.  I am reaching out to people who I have admired and want to get to know better.  I am not as afraid of taking the chances that I believe I should have taken a long time ago.  In all frankness, I believe I was dead for a long time, and it almost took death to show me life, again.  It would be nice if I could say, that everything is of the upmost, and it is, with all its faults and disappointments, I am enjoying LIFE!!  Glory be to God for his grace and love, and for the inspirations He allows me to see, everyday!  Thank You, Father, Thank You!!!

 

"I Lived"  One Republic

 

 

 

Different View, different perspective

Well, after a month of dealing with a damp apartment we finally moved into an upstairs apartment.  I like it, but I do miss the coziness of my ground level hobbit hole.  I felt safe and secure.  I am enjoying my new home too.  I get more sunlight and my bedroom is the main source of heat.   AUGH!!  The dogs wake me up at 6:45 a.m. every morning because it is light outside and they have to do their business.  AUGH!!  I hope I am not sounding ungrateful, because I am not.  My new apartment has wood floors, refurbished bathroom and did I mention it has awesome light.  Moving sucked!! It always does.  My son was phenomenal.  He did so much work and I so appreciate him for taking care of business, he is becoming a man.  I was blessed by a friend who hired a moving company and they moved our bigger furniture.  What a fantastic blessing!!  I will definitely use a moving company for my next move.  Hmmmmmm, Boulder?  Evergreen? Broomfield?  Denver?  Not sure yet.  Need to take my drives and check the areas.  Though, for now I will enjoy the breeze coming through the windows.  I am listening to the birds sing right outside my window as I am typing.  My view has changed, I was able to watch people walk by and cars drive by. Now, I have the view of the garage roof, trees and birds chirping.  I think I can do without the garage roof.  Another chapter, not major, but significant.  Now, to change my attitude a little bit and start creating a home again.

My old familiar hobbit hole window.

I am enjoying this view too.  I hope the birds get

closer to the branches brushing the screen.  Some of these

birds do get close enough, they are intrigued by the music

playing, at times they tilt their heads to listen. 

So much JOY in my heart right now!!