Frivolous

I usually have Friday's off from work, but I picked up a shift today for a co-worker, who wanted to attend a concert tonight.  I figured I could use the mula, but I am exhausted, I didn't sleep well last night.  As a matter of fact, I have not been able to sleep well for a while.  Insomnia?  You think?  Anyways, there is a lot going on in my head, always. HA!  Though, I am enjoying the morning and just relaxing.  A cup of coffee sounds great about now and a warm bowl of Cream of Wheat with blueberries sounds delish!  My son if off helping one of the families from church clean out their garage, I believe they are planning a Yard Sale.  So, he will be gone for awhile and I will not see him until later tonight.  My dogs are resting and enjoying this windy day.  I love having the windows opened and just letting the outside breeze refresh my apartment.  I still have two large containers waiting for me to start decorating my home for the Fall, as you may all know, Fall, my favorite time of year! 

I can hear the Air Force jets flying over, possibly doing maneuvers.  I need to pray for Puerto Rico, Texas, the country of Mexico and states who are still fighting fires.  Father, please HELP US!!

I try not to bring too much of what is going on in the world into my blog, but I will not shut out the world.  So many people are suffering, makes my problems and issues seem like nothing, and they are.  God is in control.  Always. 

I sometimes feel that I have a frivolous life, and in some ways I do.  Not that I am being irresponsible with my life, but that I have the freedom to enjoy the simplicity of my life, and I do.  But, at this moment it feels frivolous.  Am I grateful?  You bet I am!  Prayer has always been a force that I know the Lord hears and cares what happens to us.  I know some of you may not believe that, and that's okay.  But, that is what helps me with what is going on in the world, the suffering is immense at times it feels like I am drained.  I try not to take people or things for granted, one never knows when it will be taken away. 

So, with a prayer that the Lord will keep my son safe and healthy.  That those who are dealing with issues greater than ourselves, Father I lift them up.  For the patients who will be coming into the ER with fear and anxiety because of a health issue, I lift them up.  Comfort them Father.  Please, Father, use me tonight, that I may show your love and kindness in what sometimes is a bleak moment.  Father, help us all enjoy some frivolousness in our lives and to be THANKFUL everyday.

Standards

I believe we all have standards, with family, friends, job and loves.  My friends tease me because they feel that my standards in a man are high.  I didn't realize that the love for Jesus, honesty, integrity and patience were taboo?!  I want to meet a man who loves the Lord and has a good heart.  It is possibly.  Integrity in a man is important, actually it is important for all of us to have integrity.  Though sometimes it feels like it is lost in some of the men I have met. I have made some mistakes that unfortunately, I do regret, but I go on.  Do I want to make the same mistakes?!  HELL NO!!!  I am learning and very quickly! This wide eyed woman is realizing that some men do not deserve to stand beside me, and I am not hesitating to move away anymore.  It is sad to see that grown men over fifty have learned nothing from their mistakes, and continue to make them with women they meet.  How sad.

I am not perfect by any means, but if I give 100% in a relationship, I want that 100% given back to me too.  Though right now, I just rather be alone and enjoy my time with family and good friends.  I realized the other day, I do not want to put any effort into a love relationship, I just want to be.  I have a dear friend who wants to be married again, I don't get that. I do pray for her, that God would send her a good man that would cherish her, because her ex husband did not.  Maybe, that is what I am afraid of, not being cherished.  I know how that feels, it cuts your very soul.  Believe me, I still admire an attractive man, at least what I find attractive.  And, unfortunately, I sometimes get let down because some of these men are douche bags.  I am not impressed with men who have a good wife and these "husbands" are atrocious!!  I wonder why these women stay with these men, then I realize, I did. 

Please understand I do support love and marriage, just not for me right now.  I am okay with being alone.  I know, that if God wants me to meet someone that will be the man that I need, He will make it known.  I will wait on God's choice for me, because I am not choosing well.  God will find that man who will get my oddities and be patient and kind with no reservations.  God will find that man who challenges me in my passions.  God will find that man who knows that he is accountable for his treatment on me, I don't think men realize that.  I know that when the Lord sends that man He has chosen for me, it will be by His standards, not mine.

"HELL NO!" Ingrid Michaelson