Touching Base

Well, hello, dear readers!  You probably thought I had fallen off the face of the earth, but I was hanging in there and getting some important things sorted out.  I found a new place to live, not far from my work and all I have to say that it has its quirks, but I do love it.  God is good and provided a way for us to move out of the basement apartment we were so unhappy.  Grateful to my Father all the time, knowing I am not deserving.  He is good!

Well, I am still working and making my little place into a home, need to get some little odds and ends, but enjoying hunting for them.  I am getting ready for a Thanksgiving Dinner next week and taking a staycation.  I could use the time off. 

We were living with a friend for the month of September until the current place was being refurbished.  We moved in October and I love my windows and the kitchen is wonderfully large.  I even have a washer and dryer.  God is good!  My job is only minute away and the train runs on the other side of a private field.  So, now, I can say I live in the other side of the train tracks.  HA!

I thought I would write a quick entry to touch base.  My life has taken a little bit of some normalcy, and I pray God keeps it that way for awhile.  I will write very soon.  So much has happened, no, no Mr. Alaska.  HA!  Just the Lord and me, and my small family.  Thank you, Father, for my new home and time to rest in your arms. Thank You!!

Anniversaries

This year is going by as fast as running water draining in the sink.  The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of travel, second chances and anniversaries.  I celebrated 4 years in the ER, I started my job on March 2015.  I would have been married 33 years, I married in May of 1986.  And it has been 6 years since I had two brain aneurysms in the month of June 2013.  And my ex has been dead 4 years now, Cal passed away on July 16, 2015.  The majority of my anniversaries have been blessings and celebrations of life. But, I believe the hardest anniversary was my ex husband's death.  I realized today how much I miss Cal. Yes, it sounds strange with all the pain he caused his family, but, there was some wonderful things about Cal too.  He was truly an adventurous man.  He was very much into nature. Cal loved the ocean a great deal, he was in his element in the water.  He was a fisherman, hiker, mountain climber, he hiked up Guadalupe Peak.  He was involved with the Sierra Club and taught me the basics of camping. Cal and I were avid campers and hikers.  He was also extremely patient with me.  He was a business man and an artist.  He was a professional photographer and created some beautiful ceramic pieces; I still have some of his ceramic pieces. I also kept his cameras in hopes that I will pick up photography soon.  I miss our talks and Cal could talk. I could make Cal laugh, I loved his laughter.  He loved my warped sense of humor, one of the few people who got me.  Cal was extremely intelligent and the man could read something and remember every word of what he read.  Cal's last creative piece was building a hammer dulcimer, he never finished it and I have the dulcimer on display in my son's room.  My son, Nathaniel asked to keep it.  I could not refuse, it was a Father's day gift for Cal.

There are many days that I wish we didn't go through the insanity of my ex's addiction, but we did.  The trauma forced on our family still pains me today.  I guess the healing is never ending, but I know that the forgiveness is there. It will always be there. I prayed today that the Lord would give Cal a kiss on his cheek and a great hug from me.  I asked the Lord to tell Cal that I did love him, and that you were taking care of me and our son, Nathaniel.  I felt such peace and joy for having lived my life with Cal.  We did have some good times and I remember those times with so much joy.  Cal was an imperfect man, like the rest of us, living in an imperfect world, but never the less, loving the Lord with such desperation.  That is the one thing that I will always remember about Cal, his desperate love of God.
 

 

Rich Mullins, "Calling Out Your Name" 

 

 

 

                                                        

Different Drum

 

 

It is officially over.  It has been difficult for me to come to a decision, but not really.  The letter was written and mailed off.   I will miss you, Mr. Alaska.  I do love you very much, but it just cannot be.  We may want the same things, but I do not want to be a bird in a cage.  I am not knocking marriage, but I want a man who does not manipulate my heart. Thank you, Mr. Alaska, for asking me to marry you, for any old reason. 

 

 

"Different Drum" Linda Ronstadt

Happy Birthday, Sergio

Today is my son's, Sergio's birthday.  He would have been 33 years old.  I cannot believe how time flies.  I still remember when we received the news that you were gone, it never leaves my mind, and the heartache never heals completely.  Thank you, Father, for the gift he was to me.  Happy Birthday, Mijo.

Sergio and our dog Shiloh, 1999

 

MerryGoRound

 

Okay, I believe that we have control of our thought process, and I do believe that, very much.  I have always and I mean always lived my life in a very non traditional way.  Though, I have lived it traditionally because that is how a "good" mother and wife lives her life for her family.  But, I did get bored with the way I was expected to behave, I was bored out of my mind.  My son's knew that mom was not like the other moms from their class or church.  Even my ex husband knew that too, I guess that is why he enjoyed hanging with me when we met, and he even chilled with me before and after our divorce.  Yes, we still kicked off our shoes on occasion.  I am not saying I am a party person or anything like that, but I do enjoy people for who they are.  I am cautious at times and also try to be accepting on some things, but not all. I mean really we have to make choices in our lives that will not ruin us.
 

Anyway . . . . .

 



Why, am I writing this entry, again, not to sure.  Though, I wanted to just put truth out there.  Truth that I believe in Jesus and I know I belong to my Father in Heaven, and that I am royalty. I believe that because He tells me that in his word.  Though, I will admit sometimes I do not behave royally.  I behave more like a royal pain.  I have tried to live my life riding this merry go round. I want to follow where I am led by the Lord.   I read a meme a couple of days ago that said something about knowing God's word is not the same and doing God's work.  So, true.  I want to be following the Lord who saved me back in 1991, and I want the Lord to use this eclectic person to do his will. I will be who I am, loving, fun, compassionate, understanding and excessively funny.  Okay, maybe not to excessive.  So, while riding the merry go round of life I will continue to hang unto the Lord tightly, because I know that He will help me to stay the course, after the music and ride from the merry go round stops.

 

 

 



Tennessee

Goodbye Tennessee .  .  .  .  .  My heart has healed from its wound and now it is free to love again.  Though, I did love you, but I knew it was not meant to be.  You are not my match and you will never know your worth, because you believe in the lies of a broken and fallen world.  Good bye Tennessee, I lift you up in prayer that one day you will come to know the Lord, Jesus Christ, our Saviour. 

Tennessee by Hans Zimmer