There is a young woman who I work with, I will call her, Bree. Bree's daughter is needing some major surgery for a large omphalocele, which is a rare defect in the abdomen and leaves the liver and other organ's exposed, so this surgery is not a minor thing. This little girl is very precious to Bree and this ordeal is taking a toll on this young mother. Bree and a friend and Bree's daughter will be driving up to Boston tomorrow, it will be a long trip. I sent a message to the pastor of a church I use to attend in New Jersey. I was a member of that church for many years and I remember the pastor always saying that Christ is for everyone and as a church we need to help those in need. I wrote this pastor and asked him if the church could be a sort of safety net for this mother and child. I explained the circumstances of the child's surgery and let the pastor know that it would be helpful if the mother knew there was a group to help her if she needed it. It is now Thursday, October the 19th, and I have not received a response. I sent the message on Thursday, October the 12th. I am so disappointed. It is not like the pastor did not have time to respond to my message, he had been using social media to let people know that he would be having oral surgery. It would have taken only a minute to let me know that they would not be able to help. Another let down from the church, it is heartbreaking.
Then I remembered a sermon this particular pastor shared about Country Clubs, and how the church should never become a Country Club. Unfortunately, this church has, and those who do not fit the "Christian" criteria, are not welcomed. Really?! That is not the same Lord I follow, and I am grateful that our Lord, Jesus, came to those who were sick and broken. Not all us live in big homes with white picket fences. I may sound bitter in this entry, and I just might be, but I believe I am more hurt and disgusted by the leaders of these church's I attended. Writing this entry reminds me of the hurt when my son Sergio died and no one from the church called, even when we were trying to have his memorial. And when my ex husband died, not one member from the deacon community reached out, not even the pastor. Yes, my ex had issues, but his desperation for God was more real than any pastor who jumps around praising God. A show is just that, a show, but I believe a broken spirit has more value to God.
So, keep your high laced Country Clubs because my faith serves a God who humbled himself, to die on the cross. No Country Club will ever hold a light to that LOVE.
What is it about this time of year that has me yearning for some beautiful moments from the past. Kisses that left me breathless and wanting. What is it about the shadows from the past that haunt my heart. Maybe, because I let them. I was remembering how happy I was that several years ago I fell in love. I enjoyed that feeling, and I am glad that it happened. It has been awhile, but none the less, it did happened. The shadows of the past that creep into the deepest part of my soul help me realize that not all is lost. The shadows of the present help me realize that it is okay to enjoy a man, if only for the moment, then I go on. Though, I do not want just moments, I want a shadow to be a permanent silhouette and not fade.
I woke up this morning feeling my body capable of doing a small walk with the dogs and some stretching. I took my vitamins and drank my water and out the door I went with the munchkins. No sooner was I out the door that an old neighbor, who I loved, stopped her car and got out and we had a wonderful visit. As I was enjoying my conversation with this woman I felt my body starting to hurt. My knee was stiffening up and my right shoulder was starting to hurt, again. I hate getting old, but I still took my dogs out for a little walk and enjoyed the crisp morning. I promised myself that I would start walking again. I need to do it for me and the girls. Last year I fell and hurt my back, long story, but it had something to do with another dog, and the owner was a jerk. Anyways, after six weeks of physical therapy and hot pads, Tylenol and exercises, I was doing better, but I had gotten out of the habit of walking. Mind you, I was walking over two miles a day and it felt great. I was getting in great shape and my moods were tremendously great. Then the fall. It was last September and I am not completely the same. I feel tired, sore and old. So, last night I asked the Lord to give me determination to get back into my walks, hikes, and wanting to bike. I know I am not young, but feeling stiff and beaten down does not help either. I live in Colorado, DAMN IT!! I need to get back into the groove of things and not let life's little incident stop me, honestly, I don't believe it ever really has. As for my shoulder, well another round of PT and my knee, well I will be having surgery to replace the knee. Long story on that one, but it was a lifetime of living with a deformed knee. So, I am excited and a little wigged out because I will have a piece of metal in my knee. No Bueno. Well, that is the way it goes, and I hope it will help. Yep, I am getting old. Though, I must admit. I did beat my body as I was living my life, I believe we all do. Now, I will continue enjoying the rest of this beautiful crisp day, after I complained like an old woman, and get to doing stuff. I believe I have a skull to paint.
