Open your eyes

Today was the most trying day since my aneurysm surgery.  I lost in a court case and now I have to pay for court costs to the opposing council and a very large corporation, the same corporation that I had been paying premiums on my insurance for over 20 years.  It figures.  I am not upset that I lost, but now I am so indebted.  What gets me is that the jury felt that my insurance company did not comply with their part of the deal, but they were unaware that I have to pay thousands of dollars to the very corporation that I had purchased security to provide help when needed.  I basically was screwed, twice.  It is very frustrating.  It was a 50/50 gamble, and I lost.  I could use a miracle about now, but I will just have to accept the fact that life is not an enchanted place.  I believe I need to remove my rose colored glasses now.  I do not want to become a woman who is bitter and angry, I've done that route before.  I just need to accept the basic facts that not everyone has a full tank in their lives, some of us are barely coasting with fumes.  I am grateful for all that I do have, even though I am losing most of it.  I guess I do sound a bit upset, and I am.  Even after I got home the cursing just would not stop.  I will try not to worry too much, but I will probably have to file for bankruptcy.  In this junction of my life who gives a rip anymore.  I will do the best that I can do, that is all I can do.  Even though the tears would not stop flowing and I am so ever thankful to the Lord for giving me the strength to fight, and it was a good fight.  I will "do whatever just to stay alive," I will.  You know, I could maybe wear a fainter pair of rose colored glasses.  I mean really, they do help when dark days come.

"Stay Alive"

Jose Gonzalez

 

 

 

 



A little blue must fall on us all

It is snowing today, it looks quite lovely.  Usually, it comforts me in some ways to see the softness and caressing dance that snowflakes make while gliding down from the sky.  As I type this entry I am looking outside my large dining room window and also listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama."  Uh, not really appropriate music for this beautiful scenery.  What can I say?  Some things in life can be trivial. 

I am feeling a little under the weather today, actually, I feel about 90% better than I did Sunday.  I cannot go into detail of this stomach flu, but boy it knocked me out of my socks.  My son, Nathaniel was ill first and then I got ill, and he became ill again on Monday morning.  So, yesterday I pulled a Pine Sol onslaught and filled a large bucket with hot water and Pine Sol and wiped everything in the house; my house smells like an infirmary, but at least it is clean and disinfected. 

It has been an interesting week at work too, I think my barrier was infiltrated with stress and disgust.  Sometimes, I just want to pull a Walter Mitty and just tell people to stop being "dicks."  I have it in me, but the wisdom of my wise confidants is to keep silent, don't burn bridges.  Sometimes leadership, lacks that, leadership.  It is good to have people who know me well and steer me to take a breathe, pray and ask God to give me clarity.  I love where I work and I also love the people that I work closely with, they are phenomenal!  It was good that I called out today, I wouldn't want to hurl on management's shoes.  It was coming up this morning, even before I left work, I couldn't stomach going in.  I hate being physically weak, and emotionally charged.  Bad combination. 

Anyways . . .

I will be alright.  It is probably a season I have to go through.  It sucks, but I have to see it through and face the giants with my little pebble and sling shot.  I will have to just trudge along until I find my niche.  I am grateful for my job and love what the company does.  I am grateful for my health and that my stomach flu will pass through, no pun intended.  So, right now Lynyrd Skynyrd's, "Sweet Home Alabama" is the appropriate song to continue looking out at the glistening snow.

 

Lynyrd Skynyrd's, "Sweet Home Alabama"

with one of my favorite films, "Forrest Gump"

 

Enjoy your day!