Gordon Lightfoot the storyteller

Last night I had the privilege of going to a Gordon Lightfoot concert, it only took 33 years to see him.  Gordon Lightfoot was phenomenal!  Even after his stroke, he performed like the story teller he is. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to finally see one of many of my favorite artists.  Unfortunately, I went to the concert alone.  Not many of my friends are big fans of Mr. Lightfoot, but it did not matter because I had a wonderful time! Being in a Gordon Lightfoot concert is like sitting around a cozy living room and listening to a fantastic story teller.  I am truly blessed to enjoy the very things that bless my heart.  Thank you, Mr. Lightfoot, for many years of wonderful music that you brought to many of us who love you.  I believe your music will carry on to another generation, who will come to appreciate it as much as many of us have. 

 

"Carefree Highway"  Gordon Lightfoot

Sometimes words are not enough . . . .



Photo taken by Lilia.  Traveling up the Cog Railway to Pike's Peak

Seize the Day

Five years ago today my son, Sergio, passed away.  I wish I could say that the pain from losing a child decreases and it does a little, but I miss him very much.  I was thinking about Sergio today and when he was younger. I would play a Carolyn Arends song called, "Seize the Day."  I would put her tape in my momobile and Sergio, Nathaniel and I would sing along to this inspiring song.  I believe with all my heart that both my boys seized every day for God's glory.  My imperfect, broken son's, whom I love very much. Thank You, Father, for giving me the opportunity to be a mother to Sergio.  It was an honor and privilege to know him, and thank you, Father, that I am still here to continue to be a mother to my son, Nathaniel.

 

 

Carolyn Arends, "Seize the Day"



Closing Day

My home closed on July 28th, 2014.  A bitter sweet process of real estate.  I stopped by my home for one last time in the morning of closing before going into work.  I took pictures with my cell phone and just cried.  The memories were overwhelming.  My son and I had survived so much of life's challenges, the abandonment of my ex, my oldest son's death, separation and then divorce and an aneurysm.  Though my memories were not all so tragic, my son and I laughed and lived in this house.  I made it a home.  We had our dinner parties, birthday parties, graduation, healing, and Nathaniel's favorite party, the "ghetto party."

I know we will miss our home, but like I said before it has served its purpose for us.

Goodbye my house.  Thank you for protecting us from the outside elements.  Thank you for allowing us to make your structure a home.  I hope that you will hold all our good memories in every crevice of this house. I hope that whoever buys this house will be blessed with very good memories of their own.

 

                                                              Goobye . . .

 

Another chapter

Yesterday, was the big day.  We moved from our 100 year old home and into a 2 bedroom, one bath apartment.  Call me crazy, but one bathroom?!!  I hope I do not sound ungrateful because I am not, just sad, heartbroken, misplaced and if I can think up of more depressing words I think I could.  My son and I hustled moving boxes in our apartment on Thursday morning and Friday.  It was brutal, especially when my son was pushing me, he didn't want to see me too sad.  We had at least 11 people (8 adults and three children) come out and help us pack and unpack our furniture and we were off.  I am so grateful for my friends, I really did not do anything, I just walked around in a daze.  The move was somewhat easy, but hard, physically for my friends because it was a very hot day and for me because I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained.  At this time I am writing to you from an empty house.  I came over tonight to do laundry and clean.  Yes, I am cleaning my house, just because it is a short sale does not mean I leave it a mess.  I am not being excessive with the mop and vacuum cleaner, but I am wiping down the bathrooms and vacuuming for the last time.  My dogs are with me right now, I guess I needed to be with them tonight, they are my companions in this pity party for one.  I do believe I have an open bottle of Sangria.  I just might indulge in a little vino.  Unfortunately, I do not have a pan to cook a little bacon and maybe some eggs.  

You know I will be okay, God has a way of steering me to better things, He has never let me down.  So I believe living in an apartment does have it's perks; someone else does the maintenance and yard work.

As I was vacuuming my house I would remember everything that we had gone through in this house.  It stills feels like a home, and it made me realize STUFF doesn't make a home, but the memories of life.  I do believe that this house has completed it's purpose with me, now someone else will take over the reigns and I hope whoever buys it loves it as much as I did, do, will always love. . . .

 

The essence of my home. 

 

 



1st Year Anniversary

A year ago today, June 13, 2013, I suffered a brain aneurysm. I went through an unbelievable journey, another test of where my heart dwells. I know that my Father in heaven has allowed me to still be here, I do not know what the reason is, but I am grateful! No one can know what the Lord has in store for our lives, but it is good to know that He is there in the midst of all the chaos. The stories that were shared after this ordeal was over were beyond that of the natural world, but a supernatural presence took over and many felt it. My son who bore much of the pressure almost lost his only family he had. I thank the Lord every day for what he brought me through, no one could ever imagine how hard it was for me to fully surrender to the Lord. This independent, strong, opinionated woman had to finally submit to my loving Father's arms. I believe the Lord wanted me to just rest and depend only on Him. He knew I needed to rest and to let Him take the reigns and for me to stop fighting. He knew I needed that very much. I learned to let go, though I am still a little independent, a little strong and still very much opinionated. I am grateful for all those who prayed for me, whose concern was if I would be the same. I do not believe I am the same person. How could someone go through something like that and feel that they are the same. Who would want to be the same? I believe I am slowly being transformed to becoming a new creation. I also believe that this experience has made me stronger and to continue the journey that the Lord has in His plans for me with a joyful outlook. I want to be victorious in the Lord. A year later I am still in awe of His mercy and grace. What does the Lord have in store for me, again I still don't know, but I will continue to share with those who are willing to listen and show them God's amazing love and God's amazing grace. I am especially very grateful for all those who prayed, fed and took care of me. You showed me Jesus!!! I can still see your faces with Christ's love, concern and mercy. I am so very grateful and truly blessed!!!   I will not pretend to know the answers to the questions of life because I understand how it feels to almost leave this world and be with my Father in heaven, though I must admit sometimes I felt a little sad that the Lord didn't want me home, not yet. I remembered a request I had made over 17 years ago; I asked the Lord for adventure in my life. I think I should have been more specific. : ) I am grateful everyday to my Lord, Father, Saviour and King for this second chance, this second shot at life.

 

 

"Life and Death" by Paul Cardall

 

 

 

Mashup

Sometimes you need a little mashup in your life.   

 

The Proclaimers, "Titanium 500"

 

It would have been . . . .

On May 31, 1986 my ex husband and I exchanged vows to love, care, and be there for each other, no matter what.  This past Saturday it would have been 28 years of marriage and I have been separated and divorced for almost 8 years now.  It was a blessing to have gone out with friends in the evening.  It was good to go to the Broadmoor and have an actual drink instead of a 7-Up.  I don't believe one ever stops grieving their broken marriage.  It it good to know that there were some very beautiful times and some not so beautiful times.  There were several songs that my ex would dedicate to me, he would tell me that they would remind him of me.  I love that memory, I will always cherish those memories.  It could have been 28 years of marriage this past Saturday, but now I can listen to the songs my ex would dedicate to me and not fall apart anymore.

 

"Hello" Lionel Richie

 

 

Happy Birthday, Sergio!

Today is my son Sergio’s birthday, he would have been 28 today.   He was a dreamer and he could have been a husband and father.  He could have been an artist, singer or carpenter; he could have been anything he wanted to be.  I miss him.  I miss his smile, his laugh, his insight.  I am ever grateful that the Lord allowed me to have this young man in my life.  He was only 5 years old when he was placed with us for adoption.  It was difficult and sometimes I felt regret that I had taken him into our home, but regret soon became concern for his wellbeing.  Then concern became love, love for a child who had gone through so much hurt in his short little life.  It wasn’t easy raising Sergio, we had many moments, but I knew he was worth the fight.  We took our chances when we were told that our son could possibly suffer from schizophrenia, we hung on to hope that he wouldn’t, but he did.

Sergio was 23 years old when he took his life.  He was caged in his own torment and caged by others who I trusted were providing him with the best medical care possible.  I still feel the sting of the call that we received the day we were told he was dead, it was a callous call.  I had to forgive the heartless people that had surrounded my son, but there were also wonderful stories of Sergio.  Sergio never hesitated to share the gospel with others who suffered in the same facility he was in.  He served those who could not serve themselves, he prayed for those who had no hope.  As a mother it was a great comfort to hear how others loved him very much.  I miss my son, Sergio, but  I know without a doubt that he is with the Lord.  I still grieve him, I miss him very much.  I remember not too longer after his death I was angry that the Lord would allow my son to go through such hurt, but I was reminded by a loving friend who said to me, “satan may have had your son’s mind, but God had his heart.”   If ever words were spoken in truth it was those very words. 

So, mijo. I want to wish you a  Happy Birthday!!  I know your celebration is awesome with the Lord.  Father, could you please give Sergio a big hug and big kiss from me and could you please tell him that “I love and miss him very much.”

 

 

Who You'd Be Today

Kenney Chesney

 

Such a fun song!

 No, no love, just enjoying a great song that I would sing to myself when I was feeling a little silly.  I am feeling a little silly.

 

Kelly Rowland

"Train on the Tracks"

 

Quiet solitude

After a busy day at work, when I get home all I want to do is .  .  .  .  nothing.  At work I am like, oh yeah I'll get the laundry done, wash the dishes, organize my pile of papers, you know the same bull hokey.  But when I get home it is another story; I am beat.  Though at night before I go to bed I enjoy writing, not necessarily to any particular person, but just sitting on my bed with my laptop, like now.  I enjoy the quietness of my home with light music playing from my laptop; gotta love Pandora!!  I like sharing my thoughts with whoever gives a rip or doesn't.  It doesn't matter because I am sharing from my heart and depths of my soul.  Who knew I could do that.  Sometimes I write because it is the only time I can write about how amazing life truly is.  I am still grateful, tired, but grateful.  Well, before I go off on a tangent I will resign to sign off and go to bed.  Blessings and good night to you and Thank You, Father for another day.

 

"In Reverence"

 by David Tolk