It is snowing as I am writing this entry. I had the dogs outside, and it was so quiet and still. I could feel the soft snowflakes gently landing on my face. Being alone in the quiet snowfall helps with a lot of reflecting. I have been thinking of the last five weeks and how fast things can change. It has taken me this long to feel that I am finally getting over my hurting heart. You know, I was wondering if J.S. thinks of me, I know I think of him, fondly. I was reflecting on another challenge in my life, you see, I lost my job on October 21, 2014. I cannot say that I was saddened by this, because in all honestly I was not. Though, I miss my dear friends whom I worked with closely. That is my only regret of the job loss, either than that, it was a blessing. I cannot say that I am not having some concerns for current employment. I have been passed up on several jobs, but I know that the Lord is sustaining me. There have been days when I start to think about where I am and where I am supposed to be. There are probably many people who are possibly taking the same self discovery road that I am taking.
At my age I never thought I would be were I am. I always thought I would be married in my own house, my son's living their own lives and making their way in this world. Unfortunately, that is not the case, it seems that my family has been rooted in the most severest way, and there is not a thing I can do about it. All I know is that I have relied upon God's mercy, greatly!
The solitude in my home can be a little too much. Yes, my son lives with me, but he has his own life, as it should be. I do miss having someone whom I can talk, laugh, cry, be angry with and be silly with. I miss holding hands with a man and caressing his face while listening to music or watching a stupid movie. I know one day I will have that again, but I do miss it at this very minute. It was so nice that I had that, if only for a little while. Well, I guess that is the way things go. I have to embrace those rare moments, and treasure them in my heart and memory, because one day, that is all I will have.
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