Delirious 2 a.m. postings

I was thinking about relationships today, the different couples that I know in my life.  The trials that many of these people have gone through and have come out with battle wounds that would leave a scar as a reminder of such warfare of the heart.  There are no prisoners, just down out ass kicking I hate you stinking guts fights that at times could lead into some serious f***athons.

  Anyways . . .

 I have the privilege of knowing many wonderful couples and since I enjoy watching people, couples are my favorite, maybe because I am no longer in a couple.  The relationships that endure some serious slings of life and others who should be slung.  Then I started thinking about my marriage and how I stayed with a man I adored and truly loved, but ignored his ambivalence to me.  I was blinded, maybe because I felt that he was too good for me.  Maybe?  Then I realized that I was too good for him, not in a conceited way, but that I gave it all to be in a marriage that was only a façade to a life of dark secrets.

When the fog lifted and the light shone through on what was going on in my own relationship.  I knew I had to jump ship before I was taken down into the murky darkness; save my family and self  from a watery grave of lies. I let a small blister become an infected sore that was poisoning my soul; better to be decaying in my spirit than to be alone.  But God in His infinite wisdom said, "No!"  Then I realized something else, I was really not alone and  I am learning a lot about myself.; I am funny, smart, encouraging and I can write some serious crap here. 

Anyways . . .

I know that someone on this earth is looking for me and that I will be loved and  love again.  That I will kiss and be kissed passionately. That I will be able to trust the words of another man.  That God will show me who he is because he is out there, he just has to find me.  Also because that is the desire of my scarred heart.

( Just a little side note.  It is 2:27 a.m. Colorado time and I am listening to a lot of depressing songs and this post most definitely reflected by state of mind.  Just saying )