Keep breathing and LIVE

I have done nothing today.  Mostly lounged around like some queen of Sheba.  I did trim my hair, which is a bad thing to do, cut my hair.  Though, I must say I don't do too bad of a job.  Why pay someone my hard earned cash and end up with a hack job.  I will get a decent cut when my hair starts to look like troll hair, wild and unruly.  Yeah, that is the way it goes.  It is a pleasant day today.  It is raining, but ever so lightly.  I just re read a very passionate e mail I sent to someone several days ago.  I said everything I wanted to say, but was never given the chance.  This person talked immensely, and I never could get a word in edgewise.  Almost like my ex husband.  Did I mention that my ex husband passed away?  Yes, he died on July 16, 2015.  It has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride that never ends.  My son, Nathaniel went into shock when I told him.  I had to take him to the ER.  Lately, I have been in constant auto pilot.  I keep wondering if it is a dream or did the man I had known for 30 years and married for 27 really die?  My son and I just saw him about a month in a half ago.  My son, Nathaniel nearly jumped out of a moving vehicle to see his father.  I saw Nathaniel run to his dad and they just hugged each other.  I parked my van and walked over to my ex.  We hugged each so tightly and he was crying.  I knew he was under a lot of stress and did not look well.  I just didn't know it would be the last time I would see him.  My ex struggled with addiction.  I know he is with the Lord, I have no doubt.  I remember walking with a friend that evening after I found out the news.  I was in shock myself.  I remember telling my friend if I would still be considered a divorced woman or a widow.  My friend, David, told me I could be anything I wanted to be.  I told him I just wanted to be me. 

We had Cal cremated, half of  Cal's ashes were shipped to Pennsylvania.  Nathaniel and I are making preparations for a memorial in Colorado.  I do not want to sound callous, but I personally would have just scattered my ex's ashes around Colorado.  It would have been our private moment, but I know my son needs closure, maybe I do too. 

I am so glad that Cal has seen the face of God, and will be with him for eternity.   Cal is now with the great men and women who served God.  He is also with my son, Sergio.  They were close.  Sergio, was more like me and Nathaniel is more like Cal.  I know one day Nathaniel and I will see Cal, Sergio, my mother, Cal Sr., Marylou, Tom and many others.  We will have such a fantastic family reunion.  But, for now I want to be an example for my son and keep breathing and continue to LIVE.

 

Aaron Zigman, "Prom Night"

 

 

 

 



Reigns

As I am typing this entry, I can hear children playing outside.  I am feeling a gentle breeze blowing through an opened window, and watching the venetian blinds swaying back and forth.  I can feel my little Piglet (Paige) nudge my leg, to either, give her a dog biscuit, or she has to go out.  I am wondering if I should grab something to eat, but I am not hungry.  My son is at church, he is cooking dinner tonight. I am trying to decide if I should go out tonight, and deliver a graduation gift I have had for over a month.  Maybe, I should continue going through the bags of papers that belonged to my ex husband.  Maybe, I should just rest and sleep awhile.  Maybe, I should let the Lord take the reigns.  Father, please take them.

 

Rich Mullins, "Hold Me Jesus"

 



Katie Girls

I recently purchased the movie, "The Way We Were," with Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford.  This is such a sad heart breaking movie, but I totally get Barbara's character, Katie.  I love how Katie just is.  Her character is not afraid to say and live how she pleases.  Then I watched a clip of "Sex in the City" were Carrie's character stated that there are Katie girls and simple girls.  I started laughing because there are Katie girls and then the other perfect, gleamed women, that I have to say are sometimes boring.  I am so glad that God created me to be a bit of a Katie girl. I believe Katie girls scare men, the men who dare to take a chance with a Katie girl have some big huevos.  So, for those men who were not afraid to tread my way, and that is including my ex husband, Thank You!!  Thank you, for taking that step and not being afraid of this Katie girl!!

The Way We Were, "Your girl is lovely Hubbel."

 

 

 

 

One never knows!

This past week has been an array of driving, eating, hiking and definitely resting.  Last Thursday, my son and my best friend drove up to Boulder, CO.  There is a tea house I have been wanting to go to for a while now.  So, we did.  The place is called, http://www.boulderteahouse.com/ which is just such a quaint place.  The Mexican coffee with chocolate was so good, and over ice, amazing!!  My friend, G, had a mojito, and let's say it was so refreshing.  My son had a berry tea, he just drank it, my son the connoisseur.  Anyways . . .  we also ordered a chocolate cake to share.  I am trying to watch my girly figure, yeah, right!  The cake was good, but it had cayenne in it and you could feel the burn in the back of your throat.  It was served with avocado ice cream, interesting combo.

After leaving the tea house, we decided to drive out to Estes Park.  We visited the Rocky Mountain National Park.  It was my first time visiting this magnificent place.  God is so good to us.  What splendor!!  It is so beautiful!!  The park ranger saw my handicap tag and asked who had the disability, of course, my girlfriend and I pointed to me.  The ranger proceeded to give me a lifetime pass and tag.  I could go to any national park and not pay the entrance fee.  Talk about being blessed.  I almost started crying.  Truly a wonderful blessing!!  So, needless to say this cheeky is visiting more national parks.  Overjoyed!!

We drove through the park and then took a hike around the lake.  It was just a beautiful day and I could not believe I had never visited before.  I have been in Colorado for 15 years now and I am just getting to know this phenomenal state.  I am finding more places to hike.  I am so grateful to live in this state.  I cannot believe it sometimes.  A dream of mine as a teenage girl, comes to fruition.  Now, for that dream man, the God fearing, rugged, kind, smart, cute man who adores me; which will complete my dream.  ha ha   You know, one never knows!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Onward with more adventures!