Needs and Autumn

I gave my son the news about the upstairs apt this morning.  He was asking that we should go into the office and offer to replace the toilet ourselves.  You know, I do not want to pay $185.00 more on rent and buy a toilet for a house that I have to fix or update.  I felt a little relieved and told my son that not being able to move upstairs was the issue, but the deceitfulness of the management company.  I should have read the reviews on their website, their deceit is a common practice, now I know.  So, I will need to finish the remainder of my lease, but I will start looking again.  God will provide.  I am hurt and at my age I am trying not to be so cynical, but maybe a little cynicism is needed.  Not all who smile and pretend to care do, I tell my son that all the time.  Maybe, I have to remind myself of that.  You would think that a woman my age would know that, and I do, but I do give people a chance.  Once I am screwed over I do not hesitate my treatment on them.  I am cordial, but never trusting again. We are NOT perfect, but I grew up and raised my sons to honor their word, it shows a man's or woman's character when their word is honored.  Good to get that off my chest.

Anyway .  .  .  .

I believe the Lord is giving us what we need, instead of what we want.  I trust God and follow His lead as the head of my home. 

It is Halloween today.  I cannot say it is my favorite holiday, but it is in the middle of my favorite season, Autumn.  I did not buy candy for tonight.  I do not know if children will be coming by for treats.  I am not in a festive mood for Halloween, but I did decorate for Autumn.  My little apartment looks so homey and warm.  I did get rid of a lot of Autumn decorations before we moved into this apartment, it was time to scale down.  I am glad I did and didn't, but decisions need to be made when scaling down.  My home would be so decked out with Autumn leaves, pumpkins and my turkeys.  Unfortunately, I had two broken turkeys, it was a little upsetting and they could not be glued.  It seems that gluing broken things is not what I want, I told my son that I have had so much brokenness in my life, I did not feel that gluing these turkeys would help.  Please, don't get me wrong, I am extremely joyful, but I am choosing not to hang unto things that cannot be fixed.  Especially, when so many of us are so broken and do not want healing.  I want my son to grasp the beauty of life and the blessings.  Yes, the world is unraveling in such a rapid pace, but we have to choose to be joyful, not blind, but finding joy in God's arms. 

Well, I will sign off for now.  Two entries in one day.  I guess I needed to express my disappointment,  but I need to accept these small blessings and enjoy the smallest needs are better than our large wants.

"Midnight Crow" Acrylic on canvas, artist Li lia