Changes

I wrote the following almost a year ago.  A lot has changed since I saved this entry.  I have a second chance at everything.  I am enjoying so much without the constant concern if the other person is okay.  I care if someone else is okay or not, just it should not consume me and dictate how I should feel.  Ever!  Well, now that I am maturing in my life's experience; let me just say that I am looking forward to what the future holds for me.  Now, the following is an entry I made a year ago, but did not publish until now.

Change especially after divorce is not so easy and not so hard.  I think the other shoe has fallen.  Listening to friends advice on what I should do now varies, everything from dating to just being alone.  Right now I am going for the latter.  Being alone, especially when a vulnerable heart is on the line is a definite downer.  Mourning a marriage is not as cut and dry as I hoped it would be.  There is a lot of reflection on oneself.  I do not have the regret of the divorce, but more why I didn't do it sooner.  Also, I find that divorce does not have the same stigma it had when I was growing up, but then again what does.  I am enjoying this new found singleness quite comfortably, though I must admit the loneliness can sink right into the pit of ones stomach, but now I have learned to embrace it.  Do I still feel lonely?  Yes, but now I can go on with my life and actually start living for the first time.

 

Ingrid Michaelson, "The Chain"