I do not have a problem with being alone, it somehow helps me with dealing with my every day life.. I love my friends and family, but I hate that I am always bombarded to do something with them, and sometimes I just want to be left alone. Don't get me wrong, I do get lonely. I enjoy the stimulation of a great conversation. It is difficult for people to understand that I need that balance of solitude and being with people. I am not a fan of crowds or loud venues, but I can deal with them for awhile. I have been this way since I was a kid, and friends find it hard to accept that kind of "behavior." Even when I was married, my ex would question my solitude and I had my reasons. I felt alone, so why not be alone. He didn't want to see the whole picture, he didn't care to.
In solitude I am able to break down everything that has gone in my life and put it in another perspective. I guess I needed to write this, it is something I have been wanting to say just straight out. I am not someone that is needy, but I do need. I would like to depend on someone one day, because they can be for certain that they could depend on me. So, if in my solitude I can see things through and continue with my healing, then so be it. If this truth causes pain to those who read this entry, I do not apologize, because you should already know me by now.
In its rawest form, one of the benefits of my solitude is that I have had intense conversations with God. I have prayed and praised Him in the most darkest moments of my life, and having that time of solitude has benefited me in more ways than not. Being in solitude with God has grown me, and if you think about it, many of the Lord's followers were loners, and what they have shared with the world is nothing but PHENOMENAL!!
Ingrid Michaelson, "Sort Of"
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