One year anniversary

December 17, 2013 was my one year anniversary, from my divorce.  I cannot say that it was not sad, because it was.  Not that I miss my ex-husband, but a whole family was rooted from its foundation.  I cried a little, but I mainly was thinking of how my boys were both affected.  It is so much bullshit to know that someone could be so selfish and not care that they are hurting their "loved ones."  My son and I are healing, it is a process.  Maybe one day my ex will realize the hurt that he caused his family.  I don't hate my ex-husband, I just feel sorry for him.  He had it good, not perfect, but good.  My ex wanted, what he wanted.

You may be asking how I coped with being divorced a year, or maybe you are not asking, but I will tell you.  Prayer, forgiveness, acceptance and going forward.  Every single day.  Now, last year I had purchased a bottle of champagne, only I was going to use the champagne in memory of my wedding anniversary as a divorced woman, but it just did not feel right.  So, last night in honor of my 1st year as a divorced woman I opened my first bottle of champagne.  Yep, I didn't shoot my eye out and didn't give myself a concussion.  After I had my drink of the bubbly I placed my wedding glass in a plastic bag and smashed it against the counter.  It was closure and it was odd seeing the pieces of shattered glass, almost poetic, like a shattered marriage.   

 

 

 

                                                                                                              

Birthdate

Today is my birthday.  I am now in my prime; whatever that may mean.  I thought I was in my prime 10 years ago.  Whatever . . .

So, being now of the golden age, aha.  I am.  I cannot believe it either.  No I can't.  Yes, I am still cute. :)

My friends and co-workers decorated my desk and cubby.  They will also be having a luncheon for me.  My son's favorite quote right now is from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", "You look so OLD!"  Yeah, I raised him well, the little bastard!

So, with that said.  I will be having cake and ice cream this coming Sunday.  Also, the Bronco's are playing the KC Chiefs.  And yes, my birthday is today.  Now, how could I get myself into some trouble .  .  . unfortunately, I am a bit melancholy.

 

 

From my "Big Fat Greek Wedding"

 

 







It is a very cold night.  We had some snow in Colorado Springs.  The drive this morning to work was not too bad, also I went in late.  The drive back home was not too bad either, we were able to leave work early as to still have some daylight while driving home. 

Well, I guess you may be wondering how my date went last Friday.  Let's just say it was nice, but not what I expected from the gentleman that I met.  Don't get me wrong he was nice, but he was almost 15 minutes late.  Not a good sign.  We had a nice dinner, but he had to leave early and return home as his 12 year old son was home alone.  I totally understand that, I had a 12 year old son too, not always wise to leave them alone for too long.  Anyways, we talked and laughed and I was also asked out for a second date, with some hesitation I said, "Yes." I think he picked up on that, I hoped he did.

The thing is the gentleman was handsome and pleasant but there were some inconsistencies, especially with the man I was writing to and the man I met.  I was attracted to him physically, but my internal voice still had some reservations.  Well, it is Thursday night and I have not heard from this gentleman as to make plans for our second date.  I believe he will try to contact me tomorrow to make plans, unfortunately it will not happen, not from me.  I already made plans for the weekend. 

This gentleman and I have been communicating earlier this week, but nothing mentioned about our date.  Also, our communications were rather short.  I believe this is what one calls the "kiss off."  All I can say is that  I am proud of myself for putting my toe in the water.  I had my first date.

 

 

 

 



The Broadmoor - November 9th, 2013

I was supposed to meet someone for coffee, but due to a family crisis we cancelled our meeting.  So, being the kind of gal who doesn't wait by the phone I decided to go and have my coffee and my favorite chocolate raspberry torte at the Broadmoor.

Anyways . . . . .

I made the best of the morning and I enjoyed myself immensely.  I am learning so much about who I am.  And I am learning that I am someone who enjoys those moments of solace, not all the time mind you, but I do enjoy them when I have them.  I enjoy just being.  I walked around this magnificent building and started taking photos.  It is an amazing feeling of getting to know oneself and not being conscience of being alone.  I like that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                             

Photos taken by Lilia

 

Changes

I wrote the following almost a year ago.  A lot has changed since I saved this entry.  I have a second chance at everything.  I am enjoying so much without the constant concern if the other person is okay.  I care if someone else is okay or not, just it should not consume me and dictate how I should feel.  Ever!  Well, now that I am maturing in my life's experience; let me just say that I am looking forward to what the future holds for me.  Now, the following is an entry I made a year ago, but did not publish until now.

Change especially after divorce is not so easy and not so hard.  I think the other shoe has fallen.  Listening to friends advice on what I should do now varies, everything from dating to just being alone.  Right now I am going for the latter.  Being alone, especially when a vulnerable heart is on the line is a definite downer.  Mourning a marriage is not as cut and dry as I hoped it would be.  There is a lot of reflection on oneself.  I do not have the regret of the divorce, but more why I didn't do it sooner.  Also, I find that divorce does not have the same stigma it had when I was growing up, but then again what does.  I am enjoying this new found singleness quite comfortably, though I must admit the loneliness can sink right into the pit of ones stomach, but now I have learned to embrace it.  Do I still feel lonely?  Yes, but now I can go on with my life and actually start living for the first time.

 

Ingrid Michaelson, "The Chain"

 

 

 



Intact Skull

Lately I have been noticing people and their heads.  I try to remember how it feels to have an intact skull.  No trauma, no one messing with my brain; just normalcy.  I do believe that I will have some normalcy again.  One day all this drama will be a faint memory; the memory of surgery, stupor, rehab, family issues, life decisions.  There are moments where I cannot fathom why I had to go through this, then it occurs to me that this is what God let pass through his hands.  I remember telling my boys that anything that happens to us whether good or bad has gone through God's hands first.  It is good to know that God has been involved with all the details of the good or bad that comes to our lives, it is comforting.  I don't want to sound like a downer, I am very grateful for my healing.  I just recently had my third and last surgery on September 19th.  There is a relief of not going through anymore surgeries and healing time, though I am recuperating for the next six weeks.  In all honesty I am so much looking forward to returning to work!  Yikes!

Anyways, today was my first Sunday that I was able to attend service.  It was good to see my dear friends and listening to my Pastor's sermon, it was something I needed to hear.  I love my church!  A great group of people.

Well, I feel a little better.  I know my skull is healing as I sit here typing this blog entry. . . . yeah right  : )   It is nice to think about the good that surrounds us.  It helps to remember that the Lord is among us.  It is good to know that I am doing well, and I am looking forward to what God has waiting in the palm of his hands; it will all be good.

 

The gray has got to go . . . ha

 

 

 



In Memory

This posting is in memory for those lost on September 11.  The month of September also took my mother, Juliana in 1982 and my son, Sergio in 2009. 



Hot Air Balloons/Labor Day

Leave it to my son to volunteer and help a friend with their sponsored hot air balloon this past Labor Day Weekend.  Unfortunately, I was not able to help, but my friend considered me part of the Crew.  I was their photographer.  The "Colorado Springs Balloon Festival" is held every year during Labor Day Weekend.  I had attended the balloon glow, once; 13 years in Colorado Springs and I never attended the actual balloon lift offs.  Anyways, being a part of something so fun was worth me getting up at 4:45 am in the morning.  I had park my vehicle quite a distance from the hot air balloon set up, so I moved my car.  Memorial Park was packed with people and I started to have an anxiety attack.  My son, Nathaniel, God bless him, called me and asked me where I was.  He came and escorted me from the parking lot, placed his arm for me to take and lead me to where the crew was working.  After I pulled camera out of my bag I started taking pictures.  It really was a phenomenal experience.  Since I could not help with set up I was one of the balloon chaser, they are the people who drive and follow the balloons.  Once the pilot of the balloon radios to direct where they will be landing, we meet them at their destination and then help with breaking down balloon.  What a rush!

 

 

 

My son, Nate. Great heart!

 

                                                          

 

I call this picture "In-between hot air"

 

Soft landing.

 

I love this photo!

 

This process is called, "burping."

 

Nate placing deflated balloon in large duffle bag.

 

These gentlemen have to sit on

 bag to get all the air out.

 

As we were driving back to Memorial Park,

 this balloon was landing. 

 I believe it flew by two red lights.

 

 

 

 

 

Kicking my leg forward

I am feeling the pressure and pain in my head that usually starts in the evening.  It is not severe that it is a concern, but I do feel pain in my head that is uncomfortable.  I ask the Lord for His hand to be upon my head and throughout my body, but mostly in my head.  The neuro surgeon that had performed both surgeries is an admirable man, his bedside manner is very caring.  I appreciate that the Lord used him to take care of me.  I have one more surgery in the near future, and I pray it will be my last.  I cannot deny that I am a bit anxious, not that I do not trust my surgeon and God's hand guiding the surgeon's hand, but knowing what I have to go through can be very draining.  I am just very tired.  My heart rejoices with hope and the promises God gives his children.  I cling to His promises, not that I am afraid of death because then I would be with the Lord, but I am human and I start thinking the worst case scenario.  I am being a little selfish and I would love to continue living my life with no big issues from my brain or other physical problems because of my surgeries.  I need to be thankful though, the day I was leaving rehabilitation from my first hospitalization there was a young girl who was strapped to a very odd contraption and as I watched her being encourage to kick her legs to try to walk, all I could do was cry for her. This young girl's father was encouraging her to move her leg and kick her leg forward; there was a physical therapist who was sitting behind this girl and he would push her leg out and forward.  I do not know what she went through, but I started praying that God would restore her body.  I still think of her and I pray that she is doing well.  So, for all my whining I am thankful to God for having mercy on me and allowing me to continue with my life and that I can walk, talk, laugh, read, and basically do the things I was able to do before my brain surgery, though I do have limitations for now.  I am encouraged daily by my son, friends and my church.  Yes, I do have pain and it is uncomfortable especially when trying to sleep, but I am thanking the Lord for loving on me and giving those around me who encourage me to not give up because I can kick my leg forward. 

 



Small Packages

Sometimes help comes in the smallest packages.  Today my dear friend Christine came over after church with lunch and her three babies.  She had purchased minestrone soup and had made homemade fudge brownies, which are unabashedly sinfully delicious.  Throughout my whole medical ordeal I have seen first hand the love that has been poured out to me; I have seen Jesus in action.  Christine and her children pulled weeds and mowed my yard, which is a very therapeutic and wonderful past time for me during the Summer and Fall, but since my aneurysm I am limited to what I can do.  To see two young boys pull weeds and Christine mow the lawn, while her daughter pulled the tall weeds that the mower did not cut; it softened my heart immensely!!  I am so grateful for wonderful friends!!  To see these children give their Sunday afternoon to do yard work, WOW what a blessing!!  Thank you, Christine.  Thank you, J (what a sweetheart), C (don't work, don't eat) and A (the princess), what a blessing you are to me!!!  THANK YOU!!!!

 

Maggie is happy . . .

 she can now see where she potty's